There are many schools of thought on how to convince a man to commit to a woman. While there is no one-size-fits-all guidebook for getting into a relationship, there are a few guaranteed ways to gain a man’s attention and heart. One powerful method to convince a man to commit is to pull away.
While pulling away may be an uncomfortable move to make, it will show him that you aren’t wasting time hoping he chooses to be with you. If you really want to get to the next level in your relationship, read on for 16 tips to encourage him to pursue you by pulling away.
How to Get Him to Commit by Walking Away – 16 Tips to Follow
Be Willing to Walk Away
Men often react negatively to discussions of commitment if they feel they’re being pressured to make a decision or jump into a relationship. Even if a man has real feelings for you, this may not be enough if they feel scared or trapped by a discussion of commitment, which is why you must be willing to pull away.
The willingness to pull away communicates that you aren’t forcing him into anything. While you may enjoy spending time with him and likely do want something serious with him, you’re willing to walk away from it all. While this move may seem counterintuitive as it seems as though it may drive him away, the opposite is true. A woman that walks away is demonstrating how much confidence she has in herself, knowing that any man that sees her worth will chase her on his own.
So yes, you can get him to commit by walking away. As coach Corey Wayne often repeats: “The strongest negotiating position is to be able to walk away and never look back”.
Withhold Your Interest
It’s normal to want to commit to someone that you know you have strong feelings for. However, when you’re in the process of making an initial commitment, it’s important to avoid coming on too strong. One of the best ways to do this is to withhold interest.
While there is an appropriate time to show your affection, it’s important that he doesn’t experience this constantly. Part of pulling away requires that you show him that your interest in him isn’t a guarantee. This will show him that he needs to make a commitment to you if he hopes to continue to hold your interest.
Don’t Force Anything
It’s easy to envision what things can look like in the future, especially when trying to make things happen according to whatever plan you have in mind. Though you should be hopeful when pursuing a relationship, it’s also important to understand that you can’t try to make things happen. This line of thinking comes from the philosophy that if things are meant to happen, they will.
Though it can be frustrating to take things slowly and let the chips fall where they may, it is the only way to build a real and authentic relationship. Trying to force him to make up his mind and agree to commit to you isn’t fair to him or you. By giving him the room to choose you, you’ll know that his decision is genuine.
Men want a committed relationship too. But you can tell your man is holding back. Why? Watch the video below, it will show you how to “reframe” the way he sees you in his life.
Back Off, Let Him Breathe and Get Him to Commit by Pulling Away
Taking some space for yourself is another important step in getting your man to commit. While it’s important to let him know how you feel, there are times when backing off communicates more than obvious signs of affection can. If you realize he seems uncertain or even indifferent towards you, backing off and taking some time for yourself will give him the space to see what his life is like without you.
As you give him some space to consider what a commitment to you or lack of commitment will look like, show him that you aren’t worried about the decision he’ll make. In fact, Psychology Today points out that playing hard to get or remaining aloof will increase desire in a partner. This research shows that by backing off and showing that you are happy regardless of whether or not you end up with the man you’re interested in, the more they will want to be with you.
Date Other People
As you back away to give him space to figure things out on your own, don’t put your life on pause. Until he clearly communicates he is committed to you, you are free to spend time with and build a relationship with whoever you want. Take advantage of your singleness and continue dating other people.
Regardless of the feelings you may have for your love interest, it is important that you don’t spend your time pining away for him. While you care about him and hope to take things further in your relationship, continuing to date other people will be a clear indication to him that you’re not off the market yet. If he is truly interested in you and wants to commit to you, he’ll see your continued dating as the motivation to take things to the next level.
Let Him Miss You
Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Use this to your advantage by letting him miss your presence in his life. Do this by not being so readily available to him. Whether you stop taking his calls or you don’t see him as frequently, intentionally spending time elsewhere and talking to him sparingly will make him miss you more.
Though you may be tempted to reach out to him, don’t. Part of what makes a man commit to someone is the realization that their life is much better with their partner in it. In many cases, a man has to realize this on his own by missing you first.
Don’t Reveal Everything
Men love mystery. One of the mistakes a woman makes when trying to get a man to commit is leaving little to no room for mystery. While it’s tempting to share anything and everything with the person you’re interested in, this can also cause him to be disinterested in you faster. With everything on the table, your love interest may feel as though there is nothing else to learn about you.
Give him a reason to commit to you. By only revealing key things about yourself, he’ll wonder what else there is to learn about you. As your mysterious ways continue to pique his interest, he will eventually want to take things further and keep getting to know you.
Let Him Chase You
When trying to get a man to commit, many women think that they need to be as upfront as possible, leaving everything on the table. However, this only puts the ball in the man’s court. Instead of letting him decide whether or not to be with you, take your power back. By letting him chase you, you are allowing him to choose you.
Men naturally chase what they know they don’t already have. Get him to pursue you by keeping your guard up, acting flirtatiously, but never revealing everything. One of the best ways to encourage a man to keep pursuing you is to never have sex on the first date.
While intimacy and sex are an important part of a relationship, men are often more willing to pursue and commit to someone that has presented them with a challenge. Withholding sex is an important way to keep up the pursuit and guarantee that he will keep chasing you.
Be an Individual
Many women often want to be in a relationship so badly that they put all their energy into pleasing the man and trying to convince him to commit. While these actions are a valid way to show one’s interest, it’s also essential that every woman is able to show that she has her own individual interests and a life outside of the one she hopes to pursue with her crush. If a woman seems too preoccupied with the idea of being involved with someone, this is a huge red flag for men and a common reason that so many fail to commit.
Grow as an individual by actively creating a vibrant life outside of the world of dating. Learn new hobbies, go on adventures and do everything that makes you happy. The best part of becoming an individual is that you will learn how to make yourself happy–whether or not you are in a relationship.
As you continue to grow in your own happiness and individuality, your new lease on life will be apparent. This new attitude will be obvious to everyone–especially the person you’re interested in. Since men love positive and engaging women, the man you’re interested in will be that much more likely to commit after seeing you for the incredible individual you are.
Give Him Freedom
Oftentimes, when women want to be in relationships, they are especially controlling, hoping the man will want to commit all his emotions, energy, and time to her. While all of this attention is part of a relationship, men need to know they aren’t being imprisoned by this decision to commit. When a man knows that he hasn’t lost his freedom in a relationship, he will likely find the idea of committing more appealing.
While freedom can take on multiple forms in a relationship, the idea is that a man knows he isn’t expected to act or behave a certain way. Whether it’s the freedom to be single or the freedom to have his own interests and hobbies outside of you, be sure to communicate that you want him to enjoy his life, whether or not you are in it.
Avoid Discussing Commitment
It’s important to be open and honest with whoever you’re interested in, but in some situations, discussing commitment too quickly can have negative effects on your relationship. While your connection with someone may have been headed in the direction of a relationship, trying to get there faster by forcing the conversation will likely scare him away.
For the best results, let him bring up the topic of commitment. According to an article from Today, men that do decide to commit do so when they are of marrying age and feel as they are tired of the dating scene. This shows that regardless of what you hope to happen in the future, when a man is ready to commit he’ll do just that.
This is why it’s important to let him talk discuss commitment on his own terms when he is ready for it. Once you both are on the same page and ready to have the discussion, be sure to share openly, but avoid giving an ultimatum.
Plan a Trip Without Him
The reason pulling away from the man you are interested in works is that by doing so, you’re showing him that you can enjoy life on your own. An impactful way to show that you like spending time away from him is to plan a trip without him. Whether it’s a day trip or a month-long vacation, taking some time away from your daily life will allow you both to see what life is like without one another.
This time away may encourage him to commit or may help you both realize that you aren’t compatible. Whatever decision you both come to, this time away will help to clarify things between you and him.
Never Manipulate Him
When you have deep feelings for someone, it can be tempting to try to convince them to be with you by any means necessary. This is why some women consider manipulating the person they’re interested in. Whether they lie, play games, or otherwise attempt to make up the man’s mind for him, any form of manipulation isn’t the key to getting him to commit.
Instead of trying to manipulate the person you’re interested in, be honest with yourself and him. Understand where these feelings are coming from and remind yourself that you do not need to do anything manipulative to get someone to be with you. If a man wants to be in a relationship with you, it will happen eventually.
Place Your Needs Above His
Healthy relationships are all about the give and take, so it may seem counterintuitive to put your needs above his. However, while waiting to see if a man will commit, you need to be selfish with your time, energy, and affection. Instead of catering to his every need, show him that you put yourself first.
By putting yourself first, you are communicating to him that he needs to do the same. When a man decides to commit to a woman, he understands that he needs to make her a priority in his life. By demonstrating this type of behavior on your own, you are already showing how you deserve to be treated. That’s how you get him to commit by pulling away.
According to Terri Trespicio, lifestyle expert and Columnist at DailyWorth, women must show men they need to be earned. Part of him earning you is learning how he must treat you and acting accordingly.
Show Him He Can Lose You
In many cases, men won’t act on something that they already know is a guarantee. If you’ve made it clear that he can never lose you, he has no reason to commit to you. While it is perfectly acceptable to show your interest, remind him that you’re your own person, are very desirable, and that he needs to act if he wants to remain in your life.
While you should avoid making an ultimatum, do show him that without a commitment, he will not continue to have access to your emotions, intimacy, and attention. When he realizes that you are perfectly willing to move on and find someone that will commit, he will undoubtedly make a decision.
Understand That Relationships Aren’t 100% Secure
Even after making a commitment, there are no guarantees in relationships. Life is constantly changing and so are the feelings two people feel in relationships. The eventual decision of commitment is a choice based on the state of your relationship at that moment. By accepting that no relationship is completely secure, you’ll be able to be more confident in any relationship you have.
The truth about relationships is that your efforts should be focused on the present. While you and your significant other may hope to build a future together, don’t put too much stress into worrying about whether or not your relationship will stand the test of time. Releasing yourself from the burden of being totally secure will allow you to find peace in whatever phase of your relationship you are in.
There is no one way to get someone to commit to you. Relationships are complicated, but if something is meant to happen it will. Whether you’re waiting for the love of your life to realize it’s time to commit to you or you’re single and hoping to settle down, keep this guide in mind as you navigate the world of dating.
Continue to be yourself and pursue your own interests regardless of whether a man has made his move with you. When the time is right, you’ll know it.
Jason Fladien is an author and relationship coach living in Toronto.
He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life.