When Ben first saw Tara from across the room he was mesmerized. She was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen and he could not keep his eyes off her.
He finally worked up the courage to approach her and they started chatting.
By the end of the evening, he invited her to dinner the following night. He was actually shocked when she accepted; she seemed WAY out of his league!
After two months of dating, he absolutely adored her, but then she told him she didn’t think it was working out between them.
He couldn’t believe it. What was the problem? He thought things were going great. He asked, “But, why?”
Then she said the words every man hates to hear: “You’re just too needy.”
He was devastated.
Are you going through a breakup where you’ve been the needy one? Are you wondering if it’s even possible to get your ex-girlfriend back after she’s told you that you’re too clingy?
The good news is: YES! But you’d better be prepared to work for it!
Am I Too Clingy to My Girlfriend?
People often assume that women are always the ones who are too clingy in relationships and during break-ups, but this is simply not true. When a man exhibits needy behavior with a woman, she will often initiate the break-up because she’s turned off. Has this happened to you?
Men and women’s needy behavior can look very different. Sometimes men are shocked and simply didn’t see it coming. It’s very important to understand what neediness looks like so you can begin to understand what behaviors you need to change to get back the woman you love.
Characteristics of a Needy Person
What exactly does it mean to be needy? The definition is: Wanting or needing affection, attention, or reassurance, especially to an excessive degree.
Neediness is a form of approval seeking. It shifts power to the other person and diminishes your own. When you are needy, you want your partner to reassure you that you’re okay, that you’re doing everything right, and that you have their approval.
Neediness is also an attention-seeking behavior. You want so badly to be the object of someone’s attention and love. However, when it moves to an obsessive level where it is constantly solicited, it becomes off-putting and annoying. Needing constant attention from your partner is not attractive.
Did Your Girlfriend See the Signs of a Needy Man in Your Relationship?
- It upset you when she wanted to spend time with her friends or even her family
- You were constantly texting and calling her throughout the day
- You showed extreme jealousy of any contact she had with others, and even spied on her
- You made too many over-the-top gestures to show her that your love was greater to pressure her for more attention
- You bargained, begged or blamed her when she was not giving you as much attention as you felt you deserved
- You were moving way too fast – pressuring her into a commitment she wasn’t ready for
- You asked her for constant reassurance that she loved you
Why am I So Needy?
All of us have ideas of what we think we need from other people, such as respect, a sense of value, being liked and loved, and recognition. But if you’re insecure, or you don’t get these assurances in the amount you think you need, then emotions like anger, fear, and resentment rise up within you and you can start acting very needy.
You could be needy for many different reasons, but becoming aware of it is the key to repairing it. For more information on these concepts about how you became needy, check out this helpful article in Psychology Today.
What Causes Clinginess in a Relationship?
The bottom line is that neediness comes from a deep sense of insecurity within you; feeling that you are not good enough, and that you’re going to lose the very person you want so much to be with forever. These feelings can cause you to seek constant reassurance, emotional support, and closeness from your partner.
Fear of losing the person you think you must be with to be happy creates even more neediness on your part. Your clinginess becomes smothering and your partner simply can’t stand it anymore. Neediness is seen as weakness that women never find attractive in a man.
Begging Someone to Stay in a Relationship
If you beg your partner – who is breaking up with you – to stay, you are showing the most extreme form of neediness. The irony is that doing this accomplishes exactly the opposite of what you want, and only pushes her away from you even more.
Begging is degrading. You will regret it because she may find it difficult to ever respect you again. Resist the urge to ever beg a partner to stay so that you maintain your self-respect. There are other, much more effective ways to work through break-ups and repair the relationship.
How to Fix a Relationship After Being Needy and Stop Being a Clingy Boyfriend
If you’ve been needy, the first thing you must do respect her decision and give her space. You’ve probably heard of the no-contact-rule, but in your case – doing it is imperative. Give her time and space to show her that you do not need her, and in this way, you’re letting her miss you. Then, over time, you can show her you have changed and will be a more trusting and respectful partner.
While you’re giving her space, work on yourself.
Use this opportunity to figure out how your needy behavior turned your girl off. Study up on what attracts women so you can understand what you will need to do differently going forward.
Go to the gym, get healthy, and maybe change your look.
Spend time with your friends, try some new hobbies, or work on your career and your life goals.
All of these changes will grow your self-confidence in the best way possible.
This is how to stop being a clingy boyfriend, and make yourself wildly attractive to her again like you were in the beginning of your relationship.
The strong attraction that brought you two together in the first place can be rekindled by making these important changes in yourself.
How to Redeem Yourself After Being Needy
Neediness loses its hold on you as you get busy with other things in your life.
Going out with friends, working out, enjoying new activities – basically “getting a life of your own” – naturally builds your self-confidence while making those needy feelings fall away.
The best part is that as your confidence grows and you find your security from within, your whole demeanor changes. You put off a different vibe of emotional stability and strength.
Your Ex will find this change so attractive, she will start responding to your overtures again.
As you win back her trust by showing her that those needy behaviors are truly gone, you will have a great chance of fanning the coals of your relationship back into the warm fires of long-lasting love.
For specific guidance and proven results on how to get your Ex back, no matter what the reason you broke up, check out this short video now.
Jason Fladien is an author and relationship coach living in Toronto.
He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life.