Tear Down Your Pedestals
No matter how much of a strong woman you consider yourself to be, odds are that you’ve found yourself in a relationship where you were obsessed with your new partner. Maybe you felt lukewarm about him when the two of you first met, but all it took were a few dates and suddenly he became the smartest, handsomest and funniest person you’d ever met.
You’d think that relationships where the woman practically worshipped the man would universally end in happily ever after, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Men can sense when a woman has become extremely emotionally invested in them. Unfortunately, once this realization hits, they tend to bail or look for someone new.
A lot of this stems from the old cliche that men like a chase. While that absolutely has a lot to do with it, psychology plays a big role as well. When you are putting your boyfriend on a pedestal, it diminishes your own worth and value, at least through the eyes of your partner.
When a woman in chasing a man and treating him like a gift from the heavens, the man begins to wonder what is missing in this woman’s life that’s causing her to try to fill a void with another person. According to Psychology Today, one can only create a pedestal for someone else if they’ve already dug a pit within themselves.
Regardless of how long you’ve been seeing your current partner, you must keep the element of the chase alive. Women who have an aversion to “playing games” hate to hear this, but these so-called games exist for a reason.
Play The Game The Right Way
A lot of women hear “men like the chase,” take the information to heart but then go about putting this knowledge into practice in all the wrong ways. Men like the chase and they don’t want to be worshipped. This means that you need to use some smart techniques to keep him interested, entertained and emotionally invested. So how do you make a guy obsessed with you?
What this doesn’t mean is that you make amateur mistakes.
Some women will try to keep a man chasing them by being embarrassingly blatant in their attempts to look uninterested and unbothered. If you’re purposefully spacing out your texts to him, posting pictures of you partying with other guys on social media or being over-the-top in your attempts to seem cool and aloof, your boyfriend is going to immediately realize what you’re doing. By the way, if you want to learn how to make a guy obsessed with you over text, head over to our article here.
This is what separates the women who know the rules of the game from the girls who are just game-players. The techniques you use to keep a man chasing you should be subtle. If he ever realizes what you’re doing or that you’re behaving strategically, he’ll immediately clock you as a con artist and bolt.
There are ways to use psychology to make men obsessed with you. However, it’s important to remember that subtlety is of the utmost importance. The second someone realizes you’re trying to influence their behavior or emotions using psychology, you’ve lost.
The Four Rules of Making a Guy Obsessed With You
Now that you understand the basics, let’s get down to the techniques that you should use in all of your relationships, be they weeks- or years-old. There are four simple rules that are invaluable when it comes to ensuring that a guy doesn’t just become obsessed with you, but that he stays obsessed with you.
Remember, none of this is about “manipulation.” We’re not doing magical love spells that force men who don’t even like us to fall in love with us. Instead, we’re using psychology to keep ourselves interesting, alluring and unforgettable.
Rule One: Mystery is Essential
The most popular genre of fiction in the United States is the mystery and thriller genre. From Gone Girl to James Patterson, readers love any novel that keeps them guessing. While other genres of fiction might tell compelling stories, mysteries are the only books that have the power to keep people up until three o’clock in the morning, dying to find out the truth behind the misdirections.
The unknown is alluring. The unknown is compelling. There’s a reason why the big reveal at the end of a thriller tends to come in the final few chapters. Once all is revealed, there’s not much left to be said and the reader is quickly ready to move on to the next book.
You should always strive to be a woman of mystery in your relationships. This is especially true in the first three to four months. Once all is on the table, there’s nothing new to learn about you and a big portion of your allure disappears.
When you feel a connection with someone, it’s normal to want to open up to them and to share your history. After all, you care about them and you want to feel that close emotional connection that comes with honest dialogue. However, it’s essential that you hold back. Keep some things private. Keep your new partner guessing about who you are and what exactly it is that makes you tick.
Rule Two: He Is Not Your Life
We’ve all seen those beautiful romantic movies where a man and a woman profess to be each other’s entire worlds. While that might be a lovely notion in the movies, and while we might wish that such romance existed in real life, it’s simply not a plausible outlook for a longterm relationship. As one comedian once said about the film Titanic, “they were teenagers who’d known each other for three days!”
Your man cannot be your entire reason for existing. He cannot be the only thing you think about or the only thing you talk about with your girlfriends. You should not be blowing off meetings, hobbies or parties to be with him. All-encompassing love is a fun notion in fairy tales, but it’s the fastest way to destroy your relationship in real life.
Before you cry at the notion that cinematic love isn’t plausible in the real world, try looking at it from another perspective. Imagine you met a great guy and the two of you started dating. As the weeks passed, he began calling you nonstop. He quit his hobbies, blew off work meetings and started making you the center of his entire universe. You wouldn’t think it romantic, you’d be freaked out that he was giving up his entire life just for you.
The truth of the matter is that men are generally much better about this than women. In relationships, men continue to make themselves their top priority. They maintain their gym schedule, they continue to prioritize work and they don’t neglect their friendships for their new girlfriend. Women aren’t as great about this. In a relationship, a woman gradually starts to center her new man in her life, neglecting her personal interests, professional goals and friendships in favor of spending more time with him and doing things to make him happy.
This is not meant to bash women. In fact, this shouldn’t be seen as a negative female trait, but rather the product of hundreds of years of inequity in relationships. Historically, women supported men as homemakers while they were the breadwinners. Although today men and women are equal professionally, many women still feel as if they must exist to support their partner’s wants and needs, on top of their own professional obligations.
Don’t let this get you down, however. The bad news is that women have gotten the raw end of the deal for many generations. The good news is that you not only have the opportunity to end this cycle of inequality in your relationships, but that by doing so, you’ll improve your happiness and make your boyfriend even more obsessed with you.
Rule Three: It’s All About Me
If you find yourself so often putting your own needs on hold to make a new boyfriend happy – just to end up losing him a few months later because he got bored – it’s time to start finally making yourself a priority for once.
Focusing on yourself is easy when you’re single or when you’re fresh out of a relationship. However, putting your needs first in a relationship can be a real challenge for many women. Too often, when a guy who a woman really likes calls her to ask her out on an impromptu date, she’ll drop any plans she had and run to be with him.
It takes a lot of discipline, willpower and grit to start making yourself your own top priority, especially when you have a boyfriend. However, it’s the best way to not only find your own happiness, but to keep your boyfriend intensely interested in you. If you attend a weekly ballet class, consider it non-negotiable. Your boyfriend could score a table at the best restaurant in town and you’d still say “no,” because it’s the night of your class and this hobby is important to you, period.
According to Psych Central, saying “no” and staying true to one’s boundaries is a huge part of self-care. A woman who puts herself first and who takes care of her own health, needs and desires is incredibly alluring.
Remember, no man wants a doormat. Doormats are boring and predictable.
The girl of a man’s dreams isn’t one who bends over backwards to accommodate him, it’s someone who challenges him and who refuses to let his presence in her life get in the way of her own goals, interests and hobbies. That’s how to make your boyfriend obsessed with you.
Rule Four: He is Imperfect. Period.
Let’s return to the aforementioned topic of the dreaded pedestal. To understand how and why the pedestal makes men run, it’s important to understand how men and women tend to fall in love, or at least how they fall in lust.
When a man finds a woman who interests him, he tends to have his strongest feelings for her at the very onset of their relationship. Women fall in love and lust in a completely different way. It’s rare that a woman isn’t quietly finding flaws and cringing at faults during a first date, even if the guy is pretty stupendous and she plans to see him again.
Men feel the strongest for a woman at the beginning of a relationship. As the weeks and months pass, they tend to get bored and lose interest. They find themselves craving that feeling that they still had at the beginning of the relationship, when their hearts were racing and the new woman in front of them was this alluring, new shiny toy.
Women are the polar opposite. Women tend to feel very little for a man they barely know. However, as the weeks and months pass, they begin to fall in love. Around the four-month mark, they’re feeling what the man felt for them at the very beginning, right around the same time the man is getting bored.
While this discrepancy between male and female psychology might feel like a death sentence for longterm relationships, women are the ones who have the power to break this cycle. Every woman must constantly remind herself that her new boyfriend is not perfect. This doesn’t mean that you’re constantly thinking about what a jerk he is, but it means that you remain aware of his flaws and understand that he isn’t the only man on earth who has the ability to make you happy.
When you accept that he is not perfect and when you regularly acknowledge his flaws, you become more alluring to him by default.
Your boyfriend can sense that you like him, and that maybe someday you’ll love him, but you do not need him to be happy. He does not have the power to make you feel fulfilled or to make you feel empty.
If he left tomorrow, you might be disappointed, but you’d be on a new date within a few days.
When you behave this way in a relationship, it’s intoxicating and it makes your boyfriend obsessed with you, because it keeps the chase alive. There’s still a prize for him to win, which is the prize of you being in love with him. When he knows that you don’t worship the ground he walks on, there’s still a goal in sight. There’s still a huge part of you that still needs to be won, even if you’re already his girlfriend on paper.
However, this can be tricky for women, as love is a hard emotion to just turn off. Remember, the goal of this isn’t to be rude or aloof. At the end of the day, this is about you looking out for your own best interests and making yourself the star of your own life. The fact that by doing this your boyfriend will become crazy about you is just a bonus.
We All Want What We Can’t Have
There’s a reason why you lust after those designer high heels you see in fashion magazines but feel very little for the shoes already in your closet.
At the end of the day, we all want what we can’t or don’t yet have. When it comes to making your boyfriend obsessed with you, the name of the game is healthy distance. You don’t want to be aloof or taunt him with your absence, but you do want to make it clear to him that he is not the reason you wake up in the morning.
Not only will these tricks ensure that your boyfriend becomes absolutely obsessed with you, but they also protect you in the event that he decides to bail and go find someone else. A woman who made her boyfriend her entire world is left hollow and empty after a breakup. However, a woman who maintained her own life and who put herself first will find that she can bounce back a lot faster after a relationship ends. These psychological tips act as an insurance policy against heartbreak.
You might have to do some serious battle against your own emotions and impulses if you want to put these techniques to use. Remind yourself every day that you’re not those old sneakers in the back of your closet, you’re the expensive heels in the fashion magazine. You’re mysterious, you’re new and you’re worth the investment. When you view yourself this way, other people will view you this way too.