After a 3-year relationship, Julia’s boyfriend, Dylan, told her he thought they should move on and date other people. It took Julia by complete surprise. Sure, they’d had some arguments and issues, but what relationship doesn’t? She was shocked and hurt.
For the next six months, she rode the emotional rollercoaster that defines “post-break-up” and was finally starting to think she might be able to go out and do something social again.
Then, out of the blue, she got a text from Dylan that said, “Just checking in to see how you’re doing.”
In total confusion, she wondered, “I heard that Dylan is dating someone else, so what could this text possibly mean?”
When Your Ex Texts You Out of the Blue
There are many different reasons your ex might send you a text out of seemingly “nowhere” when one or both of you have started dating someone else. Let’s look at a few of them:
He Misses You
The two of you spent a LOT of time together and were extremely close. It could be that he is really missing you and the comfort of the relationship you shared. Maybe he’s had long enough to realize that a new relationship isn’t getting you off his mind and that he may have made a huge mistake breaking up with you.
Her New Relationship isn’t Working Out
Perhaps the “exciting” beginning of her new relationship has worn off and she realizes that there is no possibility of it lasting. She misses how close the two of you were and how you could share things so easily.
He Feels Guilty
He may feel genuinely bad – especially if he dumped you. He could feel guilty that he hurt you and caused you such pain. He also may be checking in to see if you’ve moved on. If you have, he doesn’t have to feel bad anymore. If you haven’t, it could mean he still has a chance with you.
She’s “Testing the Waters”
She could be putting feelers out there to see how you respond. She might want to know if you are serious about the person you are seeing, or if you are still thinking about her. She is most likely looking for information to see if there is any chance the two of you might get back together.
He Wants Sex
It could be that his new girlfriend is not winning in the intimacy department; she just doesn’t satisfy his needs the way you did. He definitely misses that!
Just be careful, because this could be a giant red flag if he is willing to cheat on his new girlfriend; that is NOT good news for you. Why have one lover when you could have two? See through this reason with wide-open eyes and don’t let him rob you of your self-respect.
She Wants to Make You Jealous
If she texts you about how wonderful her new beau is, you can know for certain that things are not going great and she is not over you. The fact that she is trying to make you jealous by rubbing her new relationship in your face indicates she misses you. How do you know this? Anyone who is in a happy and positive relationship would have no need to flaunt it to an ex.
How to Know if Your Ex is Over You
It’s always tough to go through a break-up, especially if the relationship was long. Moving on sometimes feels impossible. It’s often easier to move forward in your life when you have some emotional closure with your old relationship. So how would you know if your ex is truly over you and there is no chance of reconciliation? The following are signs that will give you some very strong clues that it is really over:
She is not nice to you.
He told you his feelings are gone.
She unfriended you and unfollowed you on social media.
He is not trying to convince you that he is happy.
She has stopped contacting you.
He returned all your things.
She does not flaunt her happiness or her new relationship.
The good news is that if HE HAS NOT shown you some of these clues, there is a very good chance of getting back together, if you follow the right methods, such as the ones described in this short video:
Why is My Ex Calling Me All of a Sudden?
One moment you’re dealing with getting through the pain of your break-up, and the next thing you know, your ex’s phone number pops up on your caller ID and your heart skips a beat.
This is a tough situation. It seems that if your ex calls you all of a sudden, there would be a specific reason, but what could it be?
Unfortunately, it could be many reasons, and depending on what you are hoping for, some reasons might be bad and some good.
Your ex may have found out something about you and wants to confront you, which is probably not good news for you.
Perhaps your ex is in trouble, needs help, and figures there is still trust between you.
Maybe your ex is drunk and is going to cry and declare an undying love for you. That won’t be good either, because who knows if what is said will be remembered tomorrow when sober?
But what if your ex is calling you for a good reason?
He may want to genuinely apologize for how things turned out between you, and make sure you are doing okay.
What if she truly misses you, feels like she made a mistake and wants to see if you might be feeling anything similar?
You might feel like this phone call could make you or break you, which makes it even more difficult to decide whether to answer it or not.
How to Know if Your Ex Wants You Back
You know you want to get back together with your ex, but you don’t know if he or she feels the same way. The fact that your ex is dating someone else adds to the confusion.
You don’t want to make a fool of yourself, so what clues can you look for to help you know if there is any hope of reconciliation for the two of you?
For even more detailed information, check out this article by Brad Browning– about the “5 proven indicators” that will give you a good dose of hope:
SIGN #1 Your Ex Contacts You
This is perhaps the biggest sign there is hope of getting back together. If your ex contacts you fairly soon after the break-up, even if dating others, it means you are on their mind, and they are missing you. The more they contact you – for whatever mundane reason – the more they want to talk. This is a very good sign.
SIGN #2 – Your Ex Becomes Jealous
If your ex gets jealous that you’ve been dating or hanging around with your friends more than when the two of you were together, you can be certain they still have feelings for you. Why would they care what you’re up to if they had moved on?
SIGN #3 – Your Ex Suggests You Stay Friends
When your ex wants to stay friends after a break-up, you can be sure they are not over you and are having extreme difficulty letting go. Maybe they are unsure of what to do, but they are clearly not ready to move on seriously with someone new and let you go completely out of their life.
SIGN #4 – Your Ex Wants Breakup Sex
If your ex tries to hook up with you after your break-up, it is a clear sign they still love you. However, “break-up sex” can be interpreted differently by men and women; so be careful and don’t let your get-togethers become a situation of “friends-with-benefits.” That will work against you if what you are hoping is to get back with your ex. Remember that it’s always a red flag when your ex wants to have sex with you, while also busy with a new lover.
SIGN #5 – Your Ex is Emotional
If your ex is holding onto feelings they had back at the time of your break-up, chances are very good that they are interested in getting back together. Why? Because they are showing you that they still care about you. Why would they be feeling such strong emotions if they were moving on and enjoying a new relationship, unless it is simply on the rebound?
Certainly if they reminisce about the good times in your relationship, it means they are still actively thinking about you and are not ready to let you go.
Signs Your Ex is Confused
Emotions are at warp speed during a break-up – for both parties involved. Navigating the guilt, frustration, insecurity, and attraction issues that arise from deep within takes a toll on both sides.
No matter who broke up with whom, confusion is common, especially when one or both get into a new relationship. Even the person who chose to leave can be painfully puzzled (though they may not show it), wondering if they did the right thing or if they made a huge mistake.
Being aware of all these swirling emotions can help you be more tolerant with yourself and your ex, and help you not take everything said during the breakup so personally. This awareness is important if you want to try getting back together.
Remember your ex may regret letting you go, but needs time to realize this. Maybe trying out a new relationship is all you or your ex need to realize how much you miss one another.
Taking time away from each other can be a very good thing for both of you and put things in perspective. Take the time you need to work on yourself: emotionally, psychologically and physically, and give your ex time to do the same.
Just because your ex is in a new relationship, if contact has been re-established in a positive way, it is very likely the romance could rekindle. In fact, this time apart could end up being a positive growth experience in your relationship long-term should you choose to get back together.
And if getting back together is what you want or consider, this short video is right for you:
Jason Fladien is an author and relationship coach living in Toronto.
He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life.