Texting An Ex – How To Get Your Ex Back Fast By Text Messages

A blonde girl texting to her ex boyfriend who might come back to her


***Perhaps love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself.*** ∼ Antoine de Saint Exupery


Texting can be a very powerful way to get your ex back. You should be careful though because there are common mistakes you can make that can have the opposite effect.

You need to reverse the mistakes you made or any damage you caused leading to your breakup.

You also need to understand what your ex is trying to say when they send you a text. You can use your texts to set up a type of date, you can send sneaky messages to win back your ex, and you can even light a fire under the initial attraction of your relationship.


Reasons to Text Your Ex

I believe texting an ex is generally a much better way to communicate than calling because it’s safer. Before you start sending texts, you should ask yourself some basic questions.

  • Why do you want to text your ex?
  • What are the reasons you want your ex back?
  • Do you believe getting back together is a good idea?
  • Has anything changed since you broke up that will make a difference?

I recommend texting because you do not need to have a conversation face-to-face, and texts are non-invasive. When you text, you are not putting any pressure on your ex, they can reply at their leisure. And you can decide what you want to say before you make a mistake.

Although I strongly recommend texting as the best communication method when contacting your ex, I want you to realize there are some situations where texting is not the best idea. (For example, if you never texted your ex while you were together, they may become suspicious if you suddenly start sending texts).


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Common Mistakes to Avoid

texting mistakes when trying to get your ex boyfriend back to youIf you want to get your ex back by texting, there are some things I do not recommend, EVER.

These mistakes can ruin your efforts to get back together again (and you will make a fool out of yourself). I have talked to too many people whose thoughts are not clear after a rough breakup. You will not be yourself if you are depressed, desperate, or suffering from a broken heart. Take your time, don’t rush it.

Solving a break up needs a stable emotion, logical mindset, and a calm brain. In the absence of these, the probability that you may mess up is 99%. Danger there!

You must be thinking clearly or you risk sending the type of text no ex wants to receive. As they say: don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.

The worst types of ex texts you can send include:

You are a rotten person for ending our relationship. I am happy we broke up.

How could you leave me? You are a horrible person.

I need you so badly, I will not be able to survive without you.

If you do not answer me I will destroy everything you ever gave me including your love letters.

I am not fooled by the way you are acting. I know you miss me, and I hope you are miserable.

I need you to understand that sending needy, threatening, or harmful texts is not what you need to do. You want your ex text messages to be exciting and interesting, not push your ex even farther away. I recommend consistency when texting to establish excitement. I do not want you labeled as negative, needy or desperate.

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Texting Your Ex for Special Occasions

e careful when sending a text to your ex who has a birthday

If you text your ex on special occasions such as a birthday, I do not believe anything will be accomplished.

Your ex may believe you are using the occasion as a reason to text (rightfully so). The result is usually appearing desperate. If you still believe texting is a good idea, send a short, simple message.

An example of a good birthday text:

Happy birthday!

I recommend against sending a text to initiate a conversation. An example is this:

Happy birthday, I miss you. Have you been doing all right?

This is not the best text to send to an ex as they will probably see it as you using their birthday to open a conversation.

Your ex will not want to have a conversation with you (most probably). Always keep your text short, and do not ask any questions. If your ex responds, send back a happy text. I do not recommend attempting to extend your conversation. An example is if your ex texts:

Thank you. Are you doing all right?

Text back something like:

I am doing well. I appreciate your asking.

I am not saying ignore the text, this is a mistake. I just want you to put your ex at ease as much as possible.


Your Goals When Texting

When you text your ex, I recommend having the following goals.

• Making your ex look forward to your texts

• Associating your texts with excitement

• Making your ex be the one to initiate text conversations

• Generating a sense of excitement when receiving your texts

• Making your ex want to answer right after they get your text

• You ex looking forward to having conversations through text

• Making your ex want to take another step like a date or a phone call

I advise remembering what I call the golden rule. Never send your ex a negative text for any reason.

How Often You Should Text

I recommend sending a text every other day. From my coaching experience, I know that most couples send a text when they wake up in the morning, and another before going to bed. Since you have broken up, you need to move extremely slowly. Sending texts to your ex this often will set off an alarm, causing them to raise their defenses.

I recommend beginning slowly, then gradually increasing your number of texts. Don’t overdo it though. No long conversations!

sending too many texts to your ex boyfriend won't help you to bring him back

The chances are good your ex will not notice the increase in frequency. I want your ex to feel comfortable when receiving your texts to allow a connection, and an attraction to build.

If you are careful, your ex will start sending you more texts. The chance of your ex eventually wanting to get back together is good.

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Avoiding Negativity and Miscommunication

You have three different options if you feel your conversation is about to become negative.

  1. You can discuss the issue to find a resolution without any details.
  2. Discuss the issue in detail to achieve a resolution.
  3. End your conversation, wait a couple of days, then try again.

My recommendation, if you have recently started sending texts to get your ex back, is acknowledging your ex’s feelings, making an apology when necessary, and ending your conversation. Your ex may not have reached the point where discussing the issues openly and calmly is possible.

If there is a miscommunication, straightening everything out immediately is extremely important.

Giving your ex time to figure out what they believe you were trying to say is a mistake. I have seen this happen frequently when sarcasm is used. Unless you are positive your ex will understand, avoid using sarcasm.

The same is true when you are uncertain what your ex is trying to say. Ask your ex what they mean to avoid any unpleasant misunderstandings.

Bad Text Messages

man staring at the woman he wants to get

One of the worst texts you can send is a hate message. Even if you need to vent, just keep your emotions in check because you can destroy any possibility of getting back together.

When you are angry, give yourself enough time to calm down before texting. Becoming emotional or angry is normal after a breakup but you will not get your ex back if you act on your feelings.

Your goal is to reestablish your relationship and rekindle your love. I have found people are drawn to what triggers good feelings.

If your ex associates you with negativity, they will not want to talk to you. If your texts make your ex feel good, you have a good chance of winning them back.


Texting too much

I strongly recommend against using spam texting. I understand you may be desperate with strong emotions. The solution is not sending one text after another. Your ex will not appreciate spam. You will appear desperate, frantic, and completely out of control.

Would you be happy if you started getting 30 or 40 messages every day from someone you were not even sure you wanted to talk to?

Your ex will feel the same way. You will be pushing your ex away as opposed to drawing them closer. Nobody appreciates receiving that many texts.

I want you to be careful not to let your emotions take over your texting, or you will be viewed as needy. Do not send anything like:

I will never be able to love again…

My heart has been broken…

This type of text will kill any feelings your ex still has.

Sending this type of message will not come across as sweet or honest. You will sound extremely needy. You do not want your ex to be annoyed or hurt. These types of texts will most likely make your ex run.

What Happens If I Already Sent a Bad Text by Mistake?

trying to get my ex back to me

Even if you already made a mistake, there are ways you can recover. I recommend getting your ex back to a state of emotional neutrality.

Your ex is probably either angry or annoyed by the text you sent. This means you need to get rid of any negative feelings. I recommend sending an apology, then establishing no contact.

I have found NO CONTACT is a critical strategy if you want to get your ex back.

Even though there are some exceptions, no contact is incredibly important. Before initiating no contact, send your ex a simple apology text. Do not be emotional or start rambling. Your best option is sending something to the point.

A good example is:

I apologize for being so emotional. I have been under a lot of stress, but did not intend to take it out on you. Good luck for your future.

By sending this type of text, you have apologized, and have an excuse for your inappropriate actions.

Once you have sent this text, you must not contact your ex for a minimum of 30 days. Even if you receive a text from your ex during this time, no contact means no contact! The only time I recommend making an exception is when not texting will result in more major issues.

If your ex needs to discuss something very important such as there has been a serious accident, or your dog has been ill, breaking no contact is okay.

I want you to understand your ex believes they are being chased by you. This means your ex thinks they have the power.

Your ex believes if they snap their fingers, you will come running. When you use the no contact strategy, you are taking the power back.

Your ex will have no option other than to begin chasing you. A good example is if your ex sends a text a couple of weeks into no contact.

There is a reason I do not recommend responding. When a few days go by, and your ex has not received a text, everything changes. Your ex will start checking their phone constantly looking for your text. Your ex will start questioning why no reply has been sent. This is the reason the no contact strategy is so effective.

No contact will make your ex want to have a conversation with you. Your ex will realize they do not have the power after all, and they will start to think about you more and more. An apology text followed by a minimum no contact period of 30 days sets the foundation for re-establishing your relationship.

NOW is the time to text your ex…

Winning Them Back – Texts To Get Your Ex Back Fast

a beautiful ex-girlfriend receiving your text message

Once your no contact period is over, you can start sparking the attraction between you and your ex. I know your brain feels like exploding with the romantic messages you have been planning to write to them. But patience is still key here

Keep in mind you will not have had any contact with your ex for at least 30 days. This is when I recommend using texts to create a good rapport. Sending a few texts is not going to make your ex fall in love with you immediately.

I am not saying you will not succeed, and I do not want you to be disappointed. I want you to understand you must proceed in simple steps. Rapport is an incredibly important first step. At this point, you are most likely wondering what type of text you should send your ex. There are certain messages excellent for reestablishing communication.


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What To Text Your Ex After No Contact – First Text After No Contact Rule

You need to be very careful what you text at this point, especially if you accidentally sent a bad text before your no contact period.

I recommend three different types of texts:


1) Establishing Interest Text Messages

Your ex will not show any interest in a boring text such as hi, or what are you doing? This type of text does not have any purpose.

You will not be able to reach the emotions of your ex this way. I recommend sending a text to make you ex feel good. Your text should have value.

A good example is:

Hi, I just found out our favorite band will be having a local concert next month. I know how much you enjoy them. I hope you are well.

There is a reason this type of text works. You have made contact with your ex, you are not being needy, expressing anger or pleading.

You have simply informed your ex about something they care about, and are interested in. Your text will not force your ex to have a conversation. By the way you ended your text, your ex can either ignore your message, or send a reply. This is a good first text after no contact rule and I believe if you have followed my advice this far, your response will be positive.


2) Ice-Breaker Texts

My second recommendation is to send a more advanced ice-breaker text. Be very careful when you use this option.

Your goal is texting your ex a reminder about a good experience you had when your relationship was strong. Be careful not to come across as weird or awkward.

A good example is:

Remember the delicious dinner we enjoyed that day we drove into the country. Do you remember what the restaurant was called? I want to go there with a friend.

I have found sending this type of message is extremely effective. You will be reminding your ex of a time when you were very happy together.

You will be forcing your ex to remember everything you did together on one of your best days. You will also appear a little mysterious, which will make your ex jealous. Your ex will wonder about the friend you want to have dinner with, and the reason why. Sending this type of text when the moment is right is extremely effective.

***I do not recommend sending this type of text if you believe your ex is still irritated or annoyed with you in any way. If you do, your text is going to backfire.***


3) The Just to Make You Smile Text

Can you make your ex girlfriend smile by sending her a funny text?

If you handled the breakup with your ex in the right way, this type of text is appropriate. If you pleaded, begged, or had a nasty argument when you broke up, do not send your ex this type of text. This text is only effective if you were still on fairly good terms when you broke up.

A good example is:

I just finished watching the first Alien movie, and I thought of you. I smiled for the first time in quite a while, and it made me feel good.

This type of text has a purpose. You are using something interesting, and positive to draw on the emotions of your ex.

You are not trying to set your ex on fire, or create any drama. Instead, your text will build rapport, and help you reconnect. You will need to be patient before you can establish attraction, romance, and finally love. Be careful with your texts, because they are crucial for your ultimate success.

If you become stuck or lost as to what you should text your ex, take some time and think. You know your ex, you know what they will, and will not find appealing.


The Three Rules of Successful Texting

By this point in time, you should be receiving positive texts from your ex. I recommend remembering three important rules when having a conversation with your ex if you intend to win them back. I have found following these rules will greatly increase you chance of success.


The First Rule of Texting

when trying to re attract your ex lover document your life

Make sure there is a delay between your texts. The idea is to appear nonchalant.

The best way to do this is with a delay between your texts. I recommend against immediate responses when you get a text from your ex. Wait a minimum of one hour. This is an excellent way to increase anticipation.

More importantly, you will be helping to eliminate any thoughts of neediness or desperation from the mind of your ex. If your no contact period has recently ended, do not send more than a few texts per day. The maximum number of texts I recommend is six or seven each day.

Your timing is incredibly important every time you send a text to your ex. You do not want to make any mistakes at this point. When you delay replying to a text, you are making certain your ex will not see you as clingy, needy or a loser.


The Second Rule of Texting

I recommend sending brief texts, including some basic and important principles. If your texts are lengthy, rambling or just plain huge, you are going to appear as desperate to receive the attention of your ex.

I recommend sending the shortest texts possible. You don’t need extra long messages to get your ex back. Do not be rude, or too short, or you will kill the conversation.

Talk about things you know are of interest to your ex. Make certain any questions you ask are completely honest.


The Third Rule of Texting


• discuss the relationship you had in the past

• start an argument

• ask if your ex is dating someone

• initiate any drama

The idea is to send positive texts encouraging your ex to meet with you.

Arranging a Date Through Texts

Once the rules have been established, you need to transition from sending texts to going on a date.

Advice on how to get your ex partner back to you by sending them text messages

How do you do that? Go to their house, stand on the street, shout his/her name, and ask your ex to come out and kiss you. Just kidding, don’t do that. What if you see someone else in your ex bedroom? Avoid such embarrassments. Be tactful, and you will probably win them back. Do not be a jerk.

You need to meet your ex in person. This does not mean I want you to directly ask your ex to go on a date with you. That is the last thing you should do.

What you want is to hang out together, or just have a cup of coffee.

There are limits to what texting alone can do. You will need to meet your ex in person at least a couple of times. You need to have a legitimate reason why you need to meet. Once you and your ex have been texting for a couple of days, you can take the next logical step. Arrange to meet your ex for a cup of coffee.

Do not send a text just asking them to meet you for coffee. You do not want your ex to become suspicious or alarmed. You need to find a good excuse your ex will see as believable. A good example is sending a text saying:

I am planning a vacation to Miami next month. I could really use your advice. I know you have made a lot of trips there, so your advice would be incredible. I would really appreciate it if we could meet for a fast cup of coffee this weekend.

Another example is:

I am doing some landscaping this weekend, and would really appreciate some advice. I know how good you are with landscaping. Can we meet for a quick cup of coffee?

I recommend setting the right tone by sending a straightforward and simple text. Make certain the text you send your ex is friendly.

Do not use your text to suggest romance or flirt. This will most likely scare your ex. Wait until you see your ex in person.

When you can actually see your ex, you will be able to see how they react. This means you will know exactly how much flirting is acceptable at this point in time. You do not want to push your ex into anything. Use their reactions to determine what is, and is not acceptable.

Following all of the tips I included in this article should make your ex much more receptive to getting back together.

Remember to go slowly. Pushing anything on your ex right now is never a good idea.


Final Thoughts

I have found texting is one of the best possible ways to reestablish a relationship after a breakup. By following the tips I have provided in this article, you can succeed.

I hope you’ve found the answers to your questions, like should I text my ex girlfriend (probably not, wait after the no-contact), what to text your ex boyfriend when you miss him (nothing, wait after the no-contact!) or what to text your ex after no contact (have you even read the article?).

Remember to be careful before you send a text to your ex. Take the time to read your text a few times before pressing send. If you are not sure if a text is appropriate, go with your instincts. The process will be much smoother if you avoid the most common mistakes.

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a girl uses texts to get her boyfriend back to her quickly