Should I Get Back With My Ex? Is It Worth the Effort?

We close the window and step back to reflect on the scene. How many times do these very short outbursts turn in to full blown break ups?

As you might see, this seems to be an impulsive break up. Joanne and Jonathan were both very serious about their relationship, and it had been built on the many good qualities they both brought to each other.

After each of them had a hard day, they didn’t feel they had much left to give. But on serious reflection, both deeply regretted their unkind outburst and lack of sympathy on that particularly difficult day.

There is a good chance that this relationship can be repaired.

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It Was a Long Distance Breakup

There are the obvious reasons for a long distance break up to happen.

It could be due to a college in another state, a new job or career move, or it could be some type of family circumstance.  Whatever the reason for this type of long distance break up, things can change if your love affair is strong.

Many people make long distance relationships work, but it isn’t easy, unless there is a lot of communication, a shared long-term vision, and a deep commitment to endure a separation temporarily because there is no one else they would rather share a life-time with far into the future.

We Have a Child Together

This is definitely an important reason to consider getting back together with your Ex.

However, if the relationship was causing a toxic atmosphere in the household it may not be such a great thing to reunite until you have both worked out your individual problems and found ways to bridge your differences.

In a Psychology Today article about staying together just “because of the kids,” you will see that a child isn’t always the best reason to get back together.  In fact, under specific circumstances, it can be detrimental to the child’s emotional growth. Although the article is written for marriages, the advice can apply to non-married couples as well.

It states, “Kids forced to endure loveless marriages and to tolerate emotional tension day after day bear the full brunt of their parents’ dysfunctional relationship. They intuitively feel their parents’ unhappiness, and sense their coldness and lack of intimacy. In many cases, children blame themselves, feeling their parents’ combative relationship is somehow their fault. In such cases, staying together ‘for the kids’ is a cruel joke.

But if there have been commitments made to each other, and overall, the relationship has been healthy and outside circumstances were putting too much pressure on you as a young family, then perhaps with some counselling or getting the extra support you need from friends and family members, you may both want to try again, not only for your child’s sake, but for your own long-term happiness.

I Can Actually Envision a Great Future Together

A great quote from Dr. Phil asks, “Know what can chip away at a perfectly healthy, solid relationship? Believing myths about what other “happy” couples are or do.”

Are you envisioning your rekindled relationship through the misconception of what a happy couple looks like?

Your relationship with your Ex is unique, and if you put an expectation of that envisioned “happy” couple into play, it might be doomed before it even starts.  But if the vision you see of the future was built together with your Ex so that it was specific to the way both of you want to live and share your lives together, then this could be a great reason to try to get back with your Ex.

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