Being in love is so exciting. In the beginning, yes. But if things go south and you struggle through a breakup, it sometimes feels like you’ll never get your balance back. Then, just when you thought you were getting over the hurt, you run into your Ex walking down the street with a new romantic partner. Seriously?
Very few experiences feel as awkward as you try to find words with that deer-in-the-headlights look on your face when you see a recent ex in public. The plethora of emotions you may experience are mindboggling: surprise (no doubt), resentment (absolutely), humiliation (without question), anger (possibly).
But if any part of you is hoping for a chance at reconciliation, how you handle this unexpected meeting is critical. Showing confidence is key: falling into a heap, getting angry, or letting your insecurity and devastation shine through is NOT ATTRACTIVE. But just how do you build such confidence? There are important yet simple ways you can do just that. Let’s go over a few.
Seeing Your Ex With Someone Else in a Dream? – No, It’s For Real!
Don’t we all sometimes wish, when we see our worst nightmare appear in front of us, that it was just a bad dream and we will wake up in a few minutes? We’ve all been there – desperately wanting to close our eyes and tap our heels together three times saying, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home,” and – POOF — the whole humiliating experience would be over.
Nothing makes you want to escape more than running into your ex in public with their new partner. You immediately feel the adrenaline shoot through your nervous system and wish you could just disappear. The sad news: unless your ex has moved far away, at some point it’s going to happen – you can count on it.
Knowing this and preparing for it gives you the upper hand. You won’t be caught off guard, letting your raw emotions show. The short term goal is to walk away from this experience with your head held high and your self-respect intact. The long-term goal: to maintain your dignity.
It Hurts to See My Ex Dating Someone Else Already
Going through a break-up is painful enough, but when your ex moves on more quickly than you expected, it can be devastating.
Jumping into a new relationship without taking any time to figure out what caused the previous one to self-destruct almost assures that the same mistakes will be made…AGAIN. And yet, people do it more often than you would think.
But remember that many people simply don’t know how to cope with being alone, so to soothe themselves and sweep all their problems under the rug, they choose a new person quickly without giving much thought to it. This is called rebounding.
Rebound dating is a common thing. The good news for you is that if your ex is in a rebound relationship, you may have a good chance of renewing the relationship if you handle things in the best way.
Brad Browning writes about one of the five mistakes you DON’T want to make if you want to get back with your ex: “Don’t Remain the Same.” We all make mistakes and need to look at the ways we can improve our relationship skills. Accepting this action to fix your own problems first is a sign of maturity. You show your authentic desire to get your ex back by the amount of self-improvement you are willing to do. And by the way, you might want to watch this short video. It’s about effective relationship reconciliation and it might be especially useful if you’re still thinking about your ex and the chances of getting back together.
Running Into an Ex Who Dumped You and is with a New Love Already
Running into a recent ex is especially difficult when they were the one who ended things. But let’s face it: you’re going to run into them somewhere, sometime. And it’s highly likely they will be with someone new, which brings up all kinds of awful emotions you thought you were over.
Since you know it’s inevitable, why not prepare yourself so you won’t come off looking like an emotional wreck, and then regret the encounter for the rest of your life? There are definitely things you can do to keep your good reputation intact and avoid regrets.
When You Run Into Your Ex in Public
You can’t possibly know if and when you might run into your ex in public. But you should be aware that it could happen so it won’t be a total shocker! Plan ahead by thinking about some things you could say so it won’t be totally awkward when it happens.
You could put a smile on your face and say, “Hi,” or “How are you?” If you were super close to your ex’s mom you could say, “How is your Mom?” Obviously he loves his mom and he’s going to be touched that you would inquire. This will also make him realize that just because your relationship has seemingly ended, it doesn’t mean you don’t still care about him and his family.
Keep that smile on your face and maintain eye contact with him so he feels your self-confidence. You can keep this interaction brief by saying you’re on your way to an appointment and have to run, but it was good to see him. These are all positive ways to maintain your self-respect and leave him wondering if he made a mistake in breaking up with you.
Seeing an Ex at a Party
What if you’re invited to a party and you know your ex will be invited as well. Don’t panic and don’t opt out. See it as an opportunity for you to work on your new-found bravery.
Think of how the situation could pan out and mentally prepare yourself for whatever could happen. What if he’s there with someone new? You know it’s going to be difficult, but practicing beforehand will give you the confidence you need. You can do this!
If your eyes meet from across the room, don’t act like you didn’t see him – that just appears childish and immature. Make your way over to him with your head held high and a pleasant look on your face. You’ve already prepared a couple of things to say, so you’re ready. You will only interact for a brief time, so be cordial and always take the high road in whatever you say.
You may be tempted to say something cynical or petty. But the brief high you’ll get from speaking your mind will only leave you feeling worse later.
Pay attention to your alcohol intake – after all, it is a party. A sure way to get overly emotional and say and do things you’ll regret later, is to drink too much. Nothing good ever comes from excessive drinking when your ex is around. If you really are hoping for a chance at reconciliation, the importance of staying sober cannot be overstated.
Running into Your Ex at a Wedding
Let’s say you have a wedding of a mutual friend to attend – and, of course, your ex will be there. There’s no avoiding this situation. And she may be there with a new plus-one. Prepare yourself.
The most important thing to remember is that this day is NOT about you or your ex. It belongs to the couple in love. The last thing you want to do is ruin it for them because you and your ex got into an altercation, or you drank too much and declared your undying love for her while crying your eyes out. Be mindful of the situation, remember that you are in control of your behavior: you have the power to dispel unwanted drama.
You know your ex will be there and the fact that it’s a wedding will heighten emotions. Prepare yourself by having neutral topics to talk about. Give her a compliment about how nice she looks. If necessary, keep focusing on your breathing so you can maintain your mindfulness and do the right thing by everyone.
All of your pre-planning will pay off if you ever hope to get back together with her. It’s important that she sees how mature you can be and that you really do still care about her.
My Ex is Flaunting a New Relationship on Facebook. How to Handle It?
Love-happy couples are everywhere on social media. When you’ve just gone through a break-up, it really stings to see your ex flaunt his new relationship all over his Facebook page. But people do it for different reasons than you may think. Don’t forget that social media is like a fairy tale world where people can project their perfect, blissful vision, but you have no idea what’s REALLY going on behind closed doors.
The truth is: relationships are hard work – even if you love someone. Don’t get caught up in monitoring your ex’s behavior on social media. More than likely it is NOT a clear representation of their new life, and will only make you feel bad. They could be posting out of insecurity or revenge and you don’t want any part of that. Take the high road, resist the temptation to respond negatively – especially if you are hanging on to the hope of a possible reconciliation. You’ll be glad you did either way.
At this point, there is no definite answer whether your ex will want to reunite with you after a break-up. It depends on the reasons for the breakup and how much has changed since then. Your ex might have gotten over you, fallen in love with another person, or found a rebound. Or, your ex might still love you.
When you live in the same city as your ex, you’ll eventually run into each other in public. And when you do, you can talk casually as exes. Project confidence that no one can ever hurt you, and that your happiness is not dependent on a relationship. Let your social media and friends express that you do not tolerate being hurt by other people. When you carry yourself with confidence and respect, your ex will remember the reasons for falling in love with you and may be ready to try again.
Because the good news is, you can make a simple shift in your thinking that can bring a level of security, attraction and love to your relationships that you never imagined possible. Click here to learn how to become irresistibly attractive to your ex and start and create an incredible relationship starting today.
Jason Fladien is an author and relationship coach living in Toronto.
He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life.