FIVE DAYS after your boyfriend tells you he thinks the two of you should take a break and date other people, you spot him with another woman at one of the bars you used to frequent! WAIT A MINUTE. You are incensed. You stand there completely stunned with your mouth agape.
It feels like time has stopped! A plethora of emotions whirl through your heart and head so fast the room starts to spin, and although you’re tempted to walk over to him and say something ugly, you need to stop that impulse, turn around and walk away.
You don’t even remember getting into the car and driving home. You feel panicked at the thoughts swirling in your head:
So obviously, he didn’t love me as much as I loved him.
Our relationship clearly didn’t mean that much to him.
He was probably sneaking around with that girl behind my back!
Our break up was easy for him – he sure didn’t waste any time.
I mean nothing to him.
Nearly everyone can relate to this scenario and the intense humiliation it brings, when an ex moves on so fast that you’re devastated.
My Ex-Girlfriend Moved On So Fast – I Thought She Cheated on Me
Noah and Lauren had been dating since their junior year in high school and things stayed the same when they studied at the same college. Noah thought everything was fine until Lauren started acting distracted and distant after three months at school. So he asked her point-blank one day, “What’s going on?”
She looked at him, and then her gaze dropped to the floor, “I met someone and I want to go out with him,” she continued. Noah felt a burn of anger and jealousy rising through him, and crazy thoughts began rolling through his mind:
Has she been with him already?
Am I a total fool?
Did she cheat on me?
What About Me?
One of these scenarios might feel familiar. When your ex seems to move on from you within a few days or weeks from the time you break up, it stings. But don’t lose heart because it may not be over yet. It might look like your ex is over you, but most likely, it’s not that simple.
My Ex Has Moved On, But I Still Love Her
Experiencing good love gone wrong is one of the most painful times you can experience in life – especially when it feels one-sided. When she said those words, “I just don’t think it’s working out between us,” you were completely befuddled. You felt the rug being ripped out from underneath you. You still love her.
When a partner decides to move on without you, it feels like a betrayal you won’t survive. But remember that most people don’t act with the specific intention of hurting someone else; often, they make choices so they will feel better. This doesn’t make their behavior right, but sometimes seeing someone else’s perspective can help you see things that unfolded differently in a way that you won’t take so personally.
Instead of stewing over your feelings of betrayal, try to remember why you loved this person in the first place, and that truly loving someone means you want them to be happy – even if that means they might be happier with someone else. Resist the temptation to get “ugly” in the things you say, and instead, be supportive. Who knows? If there is a chance of the two of you getting back together someday, this method will surely up the possibility.
Is My Ex in a Rebound Relationship?
A rebound is an undefined period following the breakup of a romantic relationship. Rebound relationships are often short-lived due to one partner’s emotional instability and desire to distract themselves from a painful breakup. Those emerging from serious relationships are often advised to avoid serious dating until their tumultuous emotions have calmed.
If your ex-boyfriend (or girlfriend) moved on to someone new in a ridiculously short amount of time, chances are good it is just rebound dating and not a reason for you to be devastated. Just because he has seemingly moved on quickly, that does not necessarily mean that he didn’t love you, that the relationship didn’t matter to him, or that he is finished with you. More likely is the fact that he misses you, and the idea of being without you is so painful to him that he found someone quickly to distract him from these feelings. If you want to learn more about rebound relationships, be sure to check our article.
How to Get Over a Break-Up
Getting over a break-up is a painful process for everyone; it feels like the loss of a dream. You feel so much pain, regret and sadness. Yet, at other times you feel anger and rage. It’s a rollercoaster-ride of emotions; way too emotionally challenging to start up a new relationship.
It’s easy to rush the healing process and suffer consequences because of it. Your mind is trying to heal your heart, and sometimes very painful memories fall away and you find that you only think of (and miss) the good times the two of you shared – in fact, you long for them. But this only slows the healing process.
It helps to find ways to look at the problems there were in the relationship and why it didn’t work out. It’s often therapeutic to write down or journal specific instances where you argued or had issues with each other. This process helps you stay realistic and see the reasons why the two of you couldn’t make it work. Being aware of these issues helps you to see where you went wrong and how you could approach things differently in the future – whether you get back with your ex or move into a new relationship with someone else.
Letting Go of Someone You Love
When a relationship ends, it gives you an opportunity to evaluate what happened. You always see the things your partner did wrong, but the key to letting go is to look at the way YOU contributed to the break up. Doing that will lay a better foundation for a time in the future when you and your ex may decide to try again.
Important Things to Ask Yourself
What worked and what didn’t?
Were there patterns of behavior on my part that I could learn from?
Were there things my Ex accused me of that I could admit were true?
Being able to learn from your mistakes is a sign of maturity. Why not use your break up as an opportunity to further your growth and create a chance for a more successful relationship in the future. And if both of you work on your issues, it could open up the possibility for getting back together.
How to Let Go of Anger against Someone Who Hurt You
It’s easy to feel anger when someone hurts you, which can work to your benefit after a break-up. Perhaps you’re not someone who cusses much, but getting ticked off and letting all those feelings out (in the form of expletives toward your ex) can actually help you heal. A study published in Scientific American found that “swearing may serve an important function in relieving pain.” So just go for it, either alone or when you’re with a best friend – call him all the names you can think of, and get it out of your system. It’s therapeutic! And once you express your anger in a safe environment with words, you’ll feel relieved and be able to move on to thinking more clearly about whether the breakup is final, or if you feel it’s important to making the necessary changes to renew it in the future.
How to Move into a Better Future and a Possible Reconciliation
If someone asked you, “Do you want to be happy?” Of course, you would say “Yes!” That seems like a silly question, but the problem is that a lot of the time what we want and what we do to get there are not compatible.
Holding tightly to the past is detrimental to your emotional well-being. Negative emotions like sadness, despair, and especially anger, take a toll – not only on your heart – but also on your physical health.
Let go of your negative emotions so you can move forward to a new place and a new you. Who knows? — Your ex could find the changes in you irresistibly attractive and want to try again.
Facing what has happened and accepting your share of the responsibility in the break up can bring you great deal of relief. Although you’re hurting now and you can’t change what happened, there is always the opportunity to change yourself to have a better future – a future that might even include reconciling with your ex-partner with a deeper understanding of what makes a relationship work and a renewed appreciation for his or her finest qualities.
And the good news is, you can make a simple shift in your thinking that can bring a level of security, attraction and love to your relationships that you never imagined possible. Click here to learn how to become irresistibly attractive to your ex and start and create an incredible relationship starting today.
Jason Fladien is an author and relationship coach living in Toronto.
He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life.