What Makes a Man Want an Exclusive Relationship With You?
The dating game can be anything but simple. There is so much to consider between the lines of your own emotions and someone else’s. How do you know where it is headed? How do you know what to expect? How to you avoid false expectations? The list goes on.
While typically, thanks to communication, it should be relatively easy to know what the man wants. This does not mean that sometimes it can’t get confusing. If you are asking yourself how to get him to commit to dating exclusively, you may want to consider some things.
What Does Exclusive Mean to a Guy?
It may be hard to tell when a guy is committed to only you. If he hasn’t made the declaration, you can assume that maybe he is just not there yet.
But how can you know for sure?
Has he just not felt comfortable mentioning it yet? Is he mulling it over? Is he more passive and wanting you to bring it up first?
If a guy is wanting to exclusively be with you, chances are you will know. You will have signals verbally or with body language cues. It won’t be such a mysterious secret.
If you have brought it up and he shrugs it off or doesn’t offer a straightforward answer, he’s probably not considering it right now. That can be fine!
If he isn’t ready, putting unwanted pressure on the situation isn’t going to help matters any. Any time you pressure a man to do much of anything, you will likely get the opposite.
If a man wants you to be his one and only, he won’t be cutting corners. Most men are prideful about their ladies. Once a man is ready to be exclusive, he is not going to hide it.
What is the Difference Between Dating Exclusively And Being in a Relationship?
So, you know you want to pursue things. Or maybe you already have reached the stage where you both understand you are dating each other only at this time. Well then, what exactly is the difference between exclusively dating and being in a relationship?
According to Zoosk, exclusively dating is where you are only dating each other. It is the step between casual dating and being in a relationship. You both have stepped out of the market but are not quite ready to put a label on things yet.
If you’re into them, this is a step in the right direction for certain. And when this turns into a relationship, it won’t be an unidentified situation anymore.
How Do You Ask for an Exclusive Relationship?
You’re tempted to bring it up in conversation if you haven’t already. You want validation. You are starting to develop real feelings and all you want is to know you are on the same page. That is perfectly understandable.
But here is a word to the wise: If it feels forced- don’t.
If he seems to avoid the topic or if you can’t get him to communicate about it- what do you do? No one likes to feel obligated to do anything. A guy will want to be with you because he has the choice to be, not because he feels like you are pressuring him into it.
Seeking out some form of mutual understanding is a valid request. When you are both open and honest with one another about your intentions, it can serve you both much better. But equally so, putting too much pressure on the situation can have the opposite outcome you desire.
How Many Dates Before You Become Exclusive?
This one is tricky! It really depends on the emotional connection and chemistry between two people. You may ‘just know’ after date one that this guy is the one you’ve been looking for. It may not be until date ten when you start to realize you are developing strong feelings.
Some things, you can’t put a number on. Chances are if you have been on a few dates and you are wondering if you are on the same page- you’re probably pretty close.
How Do You Know You’re Exclusive?
It cannot hurt to ask if it is appropriate to see other people. In fact, you’ll want to know. One person going all in while the other remains indifferent can cause problems in the long run. And in the event he is wanting to be exclusive, you won’t want to be dating others.
If you are exclusive, it has likely been said either verbally or shown in other ways. Many times, when men feel like they want to commit to one woman, you will be the center of things, and it will show! If he seems distracted or put off, feel it out.
The Biggest Mistakes Women Make
As a woman, you likely want to show just how faithful you are. Noble, but this can work against you as well. If you overly commit too soon, this can make him neutral- and even worse- push him away.
Do not commit yourself before he commits as well.
You’re likely wanting him to take this as seriously as you are. To do that, if he has not voiced that you are exclusively dating, your best bet is to take this as you are not. This means, live your separate lives.
Date men. Go out with friends. You have full freedom to do so. If he thinks you are putting all your eggs in his basket, but he doesn’t have to reciprocate, this can cause him to take you for granted.
Don’t bank too much on things just yet.
There is nothing wrong with you exploring the space, even if you don’t have the desire. All this does is open his eyes to the fact that if he does not act, he may lose you to another man. This way, if he is even remotely serious about your connection, he will address it accordingly.
Don’t appear desperate.
If he thinks he already has you as things are, what is going to make him try any harder? Not much. You don’t want them to be able to take the lazy way out! If it starts to seem like maybe he is taking advantage, test the waters. Act uninterested or indifferent.
No chasing! If he’s serious about you, he will show it. And if he doesn’t? Maybe reevaluate the situation as it stands.
Give him some initiative.
You need to make sure to give him some initiative to try for you because you are worth that to him. Don’t cheapen yourself just yet! Let him know you are a valuable commodity.
It is easy to feel like if you just show him enough how much he means to you, this will magically help him to commit. It would be nice if it were really that easy. Unfortunately, this will need to be mutual or you are just setting yourself up for failure.
In the dating scene, the initial parts consist of getting to know the basics about one another. You learned who they are on a rudimentary level, where they are from, what they do for a living.
Chances are, you have already scratched the surface of what you both are looking for – short or long term. It has come up in conversation.
Did you pay attention to their initial intentions? If you need a refresher, try to remember what they said they were seeking when they started dating you. Something casual? Something more? This can help you to evaluate the situation if you aren’t quite sure.
How to Avoid Letdowns
If you are feeling uncertain or worried that it’s all headed towards a dead-end, you need to ask yourself why. Are you being impatient? Are you rushing things? Are you changing the original agreement the two of you had by letting your feelings become too involved too soon?
Remember the agreement.
If he was very straightforward with you in the beginning that he had no interest in finding a long-term commitment at this point in his life, you need to remember that. Just because feelings are creeping in on you does not mean that it is happening for him.
If you begin nagging or bombarding him with questions of assurance, this will likely be a turn-off.
Don’t change your mind without him realizing.
Being okay with a casual encounter one minute and then trying to make it into something more without it being consensual can leave you heartbroken. So, try not to expect too much if he has already told you that it isn’t on his agenda. This can be confusing for him and frustrating for you.
Communicate if you need clarity.
Don’t make assumptions about the way he is feeling. If you want results, cut through the maze and just say it. The best resource you have is communication.
That doesn’t mean that you should corner him. It simply means you can bring up questions out of curiosity so that he can openly clarify. There are ways to do that in general conversation without coming across too strong.
Be open to hear how he feels. Be aware that it may not be the same way you are feeling, and that is okay! The more you both are on the same page, the more you can pin down where you stand with him.
Don’t Get Too Hung Up on the Details
According to Insider.com, some couples naturally fall into a committed relationship while others require that conversation first. Expert Claire Stott says her recommendation is to give it a few months before really having that conversation.
If you like this man and you are both enjoying each other’s company, you need to ask yourself whether anything is worth addressing. If you both are having fun getting to know one another and there does not seem to be any risen red flag, your best bet may just be to live in the moment.
Sometimes things can get messy when our hearts begin to feel things. Insecurity or imagination can get the best of us. We begin to realize when feeling emotions, that suddenly there is a risk involved. This could hurt.
But if you focus too much on what is not necessary, it can kill the mood. Go with the flow! Let things be as they are. Unless he is giving you a real reason to question his intentions or sending mixed signals, there is nothing wrong with just riding the tide for a while.
The dating stage is full of trial and error. At the end of the day, if it is meant to be, it will be. It may be trite, but it makes it no less true. Both people must respect and value the other person for anything to progress. It is best to get it all out on the table early on for both of your sakes!
Don’t try to be someone you are not. Just be who you are. Nothing will serve a situation better than just being genuinely and unapologetically yourself. Don’t feel like you need to be a specific way for this to go somewhere.
Saying, “This is who I am, take it or leave it,” is really the best approach. This cuts through any unnecessary stuff and gets right down to brass tacks. If he wants you, he will want you as you are. And if he doesn’t, he isn’t the one for you anyway!
Jason Fladien is an author and relationship coach living in Toronto.
He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such level of understanding at which he’d not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he’s on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life.
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