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You’ve just been through a difficult break-up, despite your feelings and your desire to stay together and work things out. And now, as if things weren’t bad enough, you find out they’ve blocked you on their social media accounts!
Try not to panic or over think this. That never helps. Take a deep breath and slow down your thoughts for a moment.
Let’s take a step back and look at some of the possible reasons your ex might block you.
The definition of obsessed is “to preoccupy or fill one’s mind continually, intrusively and to a troubling extent.” If your ex has blocked you from every means of contact, they could be thinking about you all the time. Their mental or emotional health could be at risk, so to protect their well-being they block you. This could only be a temporary situation while they get past the initial break-up.
It’s tough to wake up one day and find out that you can no longer access your girlfriend on social media, when you thought that everything was fine. Before you freak out and send impulsive messages you may later regret, let’s stop to reflect on a few things. And remember, statistics show that 90% of relationships can be salvaged, so most likely it’s going to be okay.
First of all, you want to consider which platform she blocked you on. Social media sites serve different purposes, and there may be reasons for her actions that you haven’t thought about.
What should you do about it now that you’ve thought about why she might have blocked you?
Anger is a powerful emotion. You made them angry and now they are “getting back at you” or want to teach you a lesson. A fight is a two-way street. Were you to blame just a little? Could you have possibly said something that you now regret? Have you tried to apologize for your part of the disagreement?
Anger is a very powerful emotion but usually doesn’t last long. Let cooler heads prevail and give it some time; or even better, apologize, even if it hurts your pride a little.
If they have blocked you in a fit of anger, then this most likely is only temporary. When emotional or irrational thinking runs high, then rational or logical thinking runs low. Give yourselves the time you both need for any intense negative feelings of anger to subside so that reasonable thinking can prevail.
It is not wrong to block your ex on social media. If they ask, you can say that you need a new start and that it pains you too much to see them right now. You can try to soften the blow by suggesting that you may consider opening the door for contact later when you are feeling less emotional. Hopefully they will understand. But if not, truly this isn’t something you should worry about. You are the only one who can decide what you need to do for your own emotional well-being.
Here is a quote by Frankl and Kushner from their introduction to Man’s Search for Meaning.
“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you feel and do about what happens to you.”
First of all, give yourself some space to process and time to think things through. Give yourself time to heal. Losing a relationship can be like losing a loved one to death. There is a grieving process that you must allow yourself to go through. There is no fast track to “healing” your emotions. And this healing is necessary, even if you want to get back together to try again
Second, check to see if this is the only place they blocked you. If so, then there is hope. We all have friends and/or family that we have blocked from our social media sites that have nothing to do with not wanting them to be part of our life. Give it time as they may very well have a change of heart.
Well, you did probably upset him when you blocked him. But how do you know he blocked you? It appears that you are still watching him from afar. No one is judging you and it it’s understandable that getting blocked might have upset you. But there may be valid reasons for him blocking you. For example, he might be saying to himself, “She did this to me, so I guess that’s how she wants things, and I should probably do the same and block her, too.” Your ex could actually be trying to accommodate you and follow your lead, and may not have done it out of spite at all. Try not to continue with this social media drama. It is just not worth straining your mental and emotional health, or theirs, by stressing out over this and making a big issue out of it. Remember the scenarios already discussed in this article. There are many valid reasons for blocking an ex on social media, that are not done out of meanness or anger.
This depends on your motives. Are you really interested in continuing the relationship with them for their friendship’s sake, or is it to somehow keep tabs on your ex? If it is the latter, then stop the contact. If you are truly friends with these people and can keep the subject of your ex out of conversations, then you are okay. Just avoid asking too many questions about your ex. If these friends and family care about you as a friend, they will understand and hopefully will be considerate enough to skirt around the subject.
It may not be the smartest thing to do, because you cannot predict when your ex is going to show up there at the same time. If you are still very emotional about them and have blocked them in other ways, it seems logical that you should shy away from frequenting those places. Are you ready to see your ex in a restaurant with someone else? If not, don’t put yourself in that position. Change your habits a bit for the sake of your own well-being. Later, when you are ready, you can return to those places feeling confident that you have given yourself the time to mend and heal.
It should go without saying that your ex did care for you at one time or another. These feelings are still with them even if they don’t want to admit it now. But you can’t make someone unblock you. Give them the space they need to make that decision for themselves and to perhaps reconsider.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t still be in contact with mutual friends. Just don’t bring your ex up in conversation with them.
Sometimes mutual friends can act as a catalyst to help. Let’s say that Susie is the best friend of your ex- girlfriend, but she is also a good friend of yours. You keep in touch with Susie through social media because you are still friends. You let her know how you are doing, but you don’t ask her about your ex at all. Your ex knows that you are friends with Susie and probably knows that you are communicating with her. She may even ask Susie about you.
“Hi. How are things with you?”
“Umm, things are OK. I’m pretty busy working/studying…You know I broke up with Rick?”
“You told me. We chatted a bit on Messenger the other day.”
“Oh, really? How did he sound?”
“Well, he sounded good.”
“Did he say anything about me?”
“No, he didn’t really talk about you or your breakup. But it seems like he’s getting along okay. He was going out with some friends that night.”
Susie may let her know how you are doing and tell your ex that you haven’t asked about her. This may be just enough to perk your ex’s curiosity to unblock you so that she can see for herself.
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Could it be that she is missing you? Are they now at a place where she can let you back into her life? If this is something you might consider, then by all means reach out and allow the contact. If nothing else, it could bring closure to a previous hurt or the emotions you had for her.
This is a personal choice. It depends on your feelings toward that person. If you are ready, then start slowly by responding on one media, not all. Perhaps just “re-friend” them on Facebook or another social media site. This way you can see some of the things that they have been doing since you last spoke and can gauge your next move. Be sure to weigh the risks first. Was this person toxic to you or controlling? Have you been happier since you have not had contact with them? In that case, you might want to avoid renewing contact at all. Or, if they have unblocked you but have not reached out yet, letting them make the first move is another option.
Many men and women have a hard time having a “grown-up relationship” the first couple of times. A grown-up or mature relationship is one where both individuals take responsibility for their actions and can recognize that they may also be to blame when there is friction. Self-reflection is a hard lesson to learn, but crucial to doing better. It doesn’t mean that your current situation can’t be salvaged, but does mean that there is a little work to be done before trying again with your ex.
So if your ex blocked you on social media and you want to re-establish communication or even get back together, remember the advice discussed here. Think back over the last few days; retrace your steps, your conversations and actions. Did you say or do something that you shouldn’t have, that might have hurt or offended your partner? This means going back over your “digital footprint,” your online chats and posts, as well as in-person interaction.
Figuring out the root of the problem will often provide you the best opportunity to repair your relationship. Then follow up with lots of patience, understanding, respect and consideration, and you may discover that your relationship can be renewed and become even better than before.
Watch this short video by Brad Browning, The Breakup Brad. He speaks from his own experience and has a unique insight on the do’s and don’ts to repair your relationship.